Memori Ilusi

September 27 2014, 10.37 pm

I'm 23.

11 months ago, I received a certificate, which written as "the degree of Bachelor Of Engineering (Electrical) ".

4 months before that, I returned home after packing my things, cleaning up my room in Kolej Tuanku Canselor, Universiti Teknologi Malaysia. I returned the key to the office and bid farewell to my friends.

4 years before, it was my first time in Johor. Which is the day that I registered as the first year student. We look around the UTM and the faculty. And I cried after waving goodbyes to my family.

2 months before that, I left Kolej Matrikulasi Kedah. My family and I went to Penang. It was my second time actually. The first time was when I was still a baby. Ican't remember anything. It was a trip from my father's company. By the way, I still have exam on that day. An exam to enter Universiti Sains Malaysia, but I forgot its name. We're the first batch to sit for the paper. Around 12 pm or so, my family and I left KMK. And I never return there until now. In fact, I never return to Kedah for years.

11 months before that, I enter KMK. It's officially my first journey to leave home to study. I heard that my ex-classmates enter UiTM in Shah Alam, which is just a few minutes from our previous secondary school. Some of them will go to Malacca for Asasi, Penang for Diploma, private college, Form 6 in ACS Klang etc. I was the farthest. Just a few kilometers from Malaysia-Thailand borders. Of course, I cried when abah and mama left. I have nobody there. Nobody.

A month before, I'm in dilemma. Either KMK for Physical Science or UIAM with Asasi in Science. I called my uncle, because he's so wise. He asked me, what is my ambition. To be honest, I feel lost. I don't know where to go. I got lots of opportunities and one of the brightest student in my school, yet I have no idea what I wanna be in the future. So, he suggested that I should choose KMK. Well, UIAM is not that bad, and it's in Gombak. I can return home every week if I want to. But it's Science. And I think I like Engineering more than Science. Because my Physics, Chemistry, Math and Add Math are my strongest asset.. Besides, numbers and calculations are my passions. I always believe that I will have more opprtunities in engineering career. And one more thing: my father was a technician, my aunt is also an officer for the techinicians, and my uncle himself is an engineer. So, basically, engineering is in my blood. But that doesn't mean I hate Science. So, I chose KMK.

A month before that, I received my SPM result with flying colours. Everyone says "Congratulations!". I met my teachers. I met my friends. My friends and I went to Mid Valley and we watched a movie and did lots of things together.

4 months before that, it was my last of SPM exams. I think it's Biology Paper 3. And we have our own 'merdeka' time. No more books to study, and we gathered in front of the school for the very last time. Well, it's not really the last day that we gathered as classmates, because we need to return our SPBT text books weeks after that. I retuned home by taking a bus. i arrived home, and watch the tv with my siblings. I love the Spring Waltz in TV2 (a Korean drama. One of the four seasoned theme love drama like Autumn in My Heart, Winter Sonata and Summer Scent). I think it was the first day that Aeon Bukit Tinggi open for public, but I can't remember the exact date. My family aand I went shopping. Oh, no more school after this. And I'm gonna miss the moment. My secondary school was SMK Telok Gadong, Klang, Selangor.

5 years before, I came to my primary school for the last time, as it was our final day of school. I realised that most student have took their UPSR results a day before. I didn't know that it came out yesterday. So I just walked in a corridor and saw some students standing besides a board and reading something. I also take at the papers, and my goodness! I was one of the seven students who scored 5As. I called my mum, and she was shocked, and congratulates me. And I received RM100 from the school as a concolation prize. The teacher said, "Kecil-kecil cili padi, dipersilakan adik (put my real name here)". Then I go to the stage to take the money. I was 120 cm and 20 kg. Quite small for 12 years old student. One of the smallest student in the school. Some students called me with 'Pendek', 'Ketot' and something like that. (This is one of the reason why I have a low self esteem attitude until now. It comes from my physical appearence, which develops as trauma. I scared to lots of things.) And I bid farewell to my friends, of course.

6 years before that, I t was my first day of school. Indeed, I'm a small person. I have some problems with my eye, which forces me to wear spectacles when I was in Standard 2. Because I can't see anything on the blackboard, I'm easily got frustrated and I don't want to copy anything whatever the teacher writes. I think there's a lot of discussions between the teachers, they decided to change my place to the front. I got a new group, and try to blend in with them. And thanks to teachers involved, and those who diagnosed me with eye-sighted problem, I became who I am today. I'm totally grateful. My primary school was Sekolah Kebangsaan Sungai Udang, Klang, Selangor.

There's time when we greet our new friends.
We said 'You're always be my best friend forever,
There'll be some punch and slap altogether,
And we'll always forgives each other.

And there's also time when we have to say our final goodbyes.
We promised that we'll always keep in touch in the future
And said 'You're the brother or sister that I will always remember'
And we'll never heard anything from them anymore.

People come. And people go.
We've been through this for ages.
But, that's life. We'll be forgotten anyway.

Having thousands of friends is the same as no friend at all.
We might greet them today.
Wish their birthday every year.
Hoping that they'll like our statuses, retweet or anything.
Share convocation pictures together.
Congratulates them for their marriage.
They'll meet new friends.
We'll meet new friends.
And life goes on.

And silent for years.
We'll be forgotten.

It's so sad to look at them.
We're still friends, but we're not friendly.
We never greet. We never say "Hi!" anymore.
And we hardly knew them.

I guess, this is one of the main reason why I deactivated my social network account.
It's not that I want to forget them.
I'm just taking a step forward much earlier
and realizes that life must go on.

~Natural Cure~