Memori Ilusi

28 June 2013, 11.05 pm

It's been more than five years since the day I left home to further my studies.
It's the same house that I live for about twelve years or so.
The environment and people doesn't change much.
We still laughing and teasing each other whenever we have chances.

But some things are actually, well, different.
And it feels a little bit awkward.

"Banyaknya la dah jadi baru.. Rasaksa baru.. tempat baru.."
"Sekarang senang je nak Level Up. Level rendah pun dah boleh tukar pekerjaan."

For years, I never really talk about online games, like Maple Story and Ragnarok.
And I'm  the one yang jadi pakar game kat rumah tu since my UPSR days.
Install hundred of games, inserting cheat codes, hacking the emulators.
And even introducing the first online game that we play together since childhood.
We did make lots of cyberfriends, ranging from Penang to Singapore.
I'm the master mind behind all these cultures in that house.

But today, it is totally a different story.
I never touch online games anymore.
And it's quite seldom for me to play the games that I downloaded from the internet.
Somehow, I knew that I can spend my time with other things, such as reading and writing.
And all these games.. Is like wasting my precious time.

Same goes to all the mangas and anime that we collect few years ago.
I throw all of these away from my life.
No more Naruto, Bleach and other series that I can't recall their names.
Same goes to Gempak, Utopia, Starz, Kreko, etc.

For days, I keep asking the question again and again
"What did I do for all these years?"
Yes, they're entertain me. But it's just for temporary.
There's a large hole deep within me. Something that I can't describe with words.
It feels... empty.

Maybe because I'm an adult now, and I need to leave many things behind.
And maybe it's just a transition phase.
Searching for something greater for our life.
Nak arah tuju hidup.
Nak cari redha Allah.

I didn't say it's wrong to play games and layan all sorts of anime and mangas.
Tapii kalau sebab benda-benda ni la kita leka nak fikirkan dunia realiti, i think it's not right.
Sebab pengaruh game anime, terus bukak tudung sebab nak nampak cute.
Sebab game, burn semua solat.

Tapi kalau rasa dah cukup kuat untuk semua ni, then go on and set "high pass filter" and take what is good for us, and gie to benefits to ummah.
And leave all the unnecessary things to its place.
Islam ni bukanlah "itu tak boleh, ini tak boleh".
Ada je alternatif, tapi kena pandailah kawal diri.
Kita manusia berakal, bukan haiwan yang ikut nafsu.

Kita hamba dan khalifah Dia.
Bukan hamba dan khalifah dunia.

InsyaAllah.